Life during the waiting...

So last week was pretty rough. Reflecting back on it, I made it a lot worse than it needed to be. 


Nevertheless, it was rough. It was one of those weeks where every minute seemed like an hour. Time c-r-a-w-l-e-d by. I was reminded of one of my favorite movie quotes from The Jerk by Steve Martin. 


"I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it."


Yep. That just about sums it all up. We knew that the birth mother looking at our profile was supposed to make a decision last Tuesday. So when Tuesday morning rolled around, we were chipper and happy. Then the morning went. Then the afternoon came. Then the afternoon went. Then evening came. Then evening went. Then Tuesday was over. 


What a let-down. We just knew we would hear something that day. By the hand of God we were able to sleep well Tuesday night. Then Wednesday morning came. My mother-in-law was visiting with us last week, as well, and she decided that she and I needed to go get mani/pedis to relax. What a blessing amidst the waiting. Then Wednesday morning went. Then Wednesday afternoon came. Then Wednesday afternoon went. Then Wednesday evening came. Then Wednesday evening went. Then Wednesday was over. 


At that point I was still optimistic that we would hear something by the weekend. So Thursday morning came. Luckily I had State Solo Contest at OBU all day to keep me distracted. But I still checked my phone every 5 minutes (or less) to see if our caseworker had contacted us. She didn't. So I finally emailed her late Thursday afternoon. She replied that the birth mom wanted to look at one other profile before making her decision. Thursday afternoon went. When Grandma, Daddy and boy went to boy's baseball practice, I stayed home to cook dinner. Then I started reflecting on the fact that the birth mom wanted to look a one other profile. All of a sudden I was angry and emotionally worn out. Not a good combo. I vented to my parents over the phone and God bless them for listening to me. From the bottom of my heart, I knew that God was in control of our situation. He has been since he planted the desire in our hearts to adopt YEARS ago! But I reached a point of saying, "God, you are obviously in control of this situation. Just end it. Let us know one way or the other. PLEASE!!!! I can't take much more!" At that point I hung up with my parents and texted some friends to request prayer. I knew I needed support from my praying friends. And they definitely came through for me. Then Thursday evening came. Then Thursday evening went. Then Thursday was over. 


Friday morning. I woke up still angry, but not as over-the-top, I'm-gonna-punch-you-in-the-face angry. Hubby and I were talking before we got up Friday and I was informing him of my tightly-wound emotions. Then, in the midst of my struggle, I heard from God. When the birth mom started looking at our profile, I felt very impressed to pray specifically that she would choose us to be the adoptive parents of her child. But somewhere in the midst of last week, I added my timeline to God's plan. Friday morning God reminded me to pray that we would be chosen, but sans the timeline. From that point to now (Monday morning) I have been in a much better place emotionally. Through the prayers of friends and family, we will make it through this journey and we will praise God every step of the way. If the birth mom chooses another couple, we will praise God for that loving family to take that child and love her the way she deserves to be loved. We will be an advocate for this 14-year old birth mom who has nobody to love her and we will praise God for bringing her into our hearts. God knows the ending to this story. We will praise Him as we walk this road, believing.